# How to Talk to Kids About Making Mistakes

As a parent of young kids, you’ve probably found yourself in this situation: your child spills juice all over the table, bursts into tears, and says, “I’m so stupid!” Or maybe your preschooler tries to build a block tower, it collapses, and they stomp off in frustration shouting, “I can’t do anything right!” If these scenes sound familiar, you’re not alone.

Talking to kids about making mistakes is tricky. On the one hand, we want to comfort them, to wash away their upset feelings. On the other, we know deep down that learning from mistakes is critical for growth. Navigating this balance takes practice, but it’s one of the most important things we can do to help our children develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and confidence.

## Why Talking About Mistakes Matters

Mistakes can feel like a threat to young kids. After all, they’re still building their sense of self, and failure can feel like a reflection of who they are—not just what they’ve done. When kids learn that mistakes are a normal and even valuable part of life, they start to see challenges differently. They’re more likely to take risks, try new things, and develop the flexibility and problem-solving skills they’ll need for the rest of their lives.

But here’s the catch: kids don’t automatically see mistakes as opportunities. That’s where we come in. The way we respond to their missteps shapes how they think about failure. If we react with frustration or if we swoop in to fix everything, they might start to avoid challenges altogether. On the flip side, if we model curiosity and a growth mindset, we can help them reframe mistakes as stepping stones to success.

## Real-Life Examples: How to Turn Mistakes Into Learning Opportunities

Let me share a few moments from my own parenting journey. These are the times I’ve stumbled—sometimes literally—through teaching my kids about mistakes and what they mean.

### Example 1: The Art Project Gone Wrong

One afternoon, my 5-year-old, Emily, was painting a picture of a rainbow. She was so focused on getting the colors “perfect” that when her brush accidentally smeared the red into the orange, she froze. Tears welled up, and she cried, “I ruined it!”

My first instinct was to say, “It’s okay, it’s still beautiful!” But I stopped myself. Instead, I said, “Hmm, you didn’t expect that red to mix with the orange, huh? What do you think we can do with it now?” She sniffled and stared at the paper for a moment. Then she said, “Maybe I can make it look like a sunset?”

That small shift—from “I ruined it” to “What can I do now?”—felt like a win. Afterward, we talked about how artists often make “happy accidents” and how mistakes can lead to new ideas.

### Example 2: The Forgotten Lunchbox

Last week, my 7-year-old, Jake, forgot his lunchbox at home. By the time I realized it, he was already at school. My gut reaction was to rush over and drop it off, but I resisted. When he got home, I asked how he’d handled it.

He said, “I told my teacher, and she let me borrow a snack from the extra bin.” I asked, “What do you think you’ll do tomorrow to make sure you don’t forget it again?” He thought for a moment and said, “Maybe I’ll put it in my backpack right after breakfast.”

This was a small but meaningful moment. Instead of rescuing him, I gave him the chance to solve the problem himself—and to feel the pride that comes with it.

### Example 3: The Soccer Meltdown

During my daughter Lily’s first soccer practice, she kept missing the ball during drills. After the third miss, she threw herself on the ground and said, “I’m terrible at soccer! I quit!”

I knelt down and said, “You’re feeling frustrated because this is hard right now. But you know what? Most people aren’t great at something the first time they try it. How do you think you could get better?”

She didn’t want to hear it at first. But after some time (and a lot of encouragement), she agreed to practice kicking the ball at home. Over the next few weeks, she started to improve—and more importantly, she learned that she didn’t have to be perfect to keep trying.

## The Challenges of Talking About Mistakes

I’ll be honest: this isn’t always easy. Sometimes, when my kids make mistakes, I feel my own frustration bubbling up. Why can’t they listen? Why won’t they just slow down? And then there are the moments when I catch myself swooping in to fix their problems rather than letting them struggle a bit.

But I’ve learned that my reactions matter. When I get visibly upset over a spilled drink or a broken toy, I’m teaching my kids that mistakes are something to fear. When I jump in to “fix” everything, I’m unintentionally sending the message that they can’t handle challenges on their own.

The truth is, it’s not just about what we say—it’s about how we model resilience ourselves. If I mess up dinner and laugh it off, or if I accidentally delete an email and calmly figure out how to recover it, I’m showing my kids what it looks like to handle mistakes with grace.

## How to Talk About Mistakes: Practical Tips

Here are a few strategies I’ve found helpful when talking to my kids about mistakes:

### 1. **Normalize Mistakes**
Let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes—even you! Share age-appropriate stories about times you’ve messed up and what you learned from it.

### 2. **Focus on Solutions**
Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, help your child brainstorm ways to fix it or do better next time. This builds problem-solving skills and shifts the focus from failure to growth.

### 3. **Praise Effort, Not Perfection**
When your child tries something new, celebrate their effort instead of the outcome. For example, “I’m so proud of how hard you worked on that puzzle!”

### 4. **Embrace the “What If” Game**
If your child is afraid of making a mistake, play the “What If” game. For example, “What if you mess up on your drawing? What could you do then?” This helps them build resilience by imagining solutions in advance.

### 5. **Model a Growth Mindset**
When you make a mistake, talk about it out loud. For example, “Oops, I forgot to set the timer for the cookies! Next time, I’ll double-check before I start baking.”

## Common Mistakes Parents Make

As parents, we’re bound to stumble when it comes to teaching our kids about mistakes. Here are a few common “parenting pitfalls” to watch out for:

• Overreacting: If your child spills something or breaks a toy, try to stay calm. Overreacting can make them feel ashamed of their mistake rather than curious about how to fix it.
• Fixing Everything: Resist the urge to solve every problem for your child. Instead, guide them toward finding their own solutions.
• Pushing Perfection: Be mindful of how you talk about your own mistakes. If you’re too hard on yourself, your kids might internalize those same expectations.

## Closing Thoughts

Talking to kids about making mistakes isn’t just about helping them feel better in the moment—it’s about giving them the tools to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and resilience. It’s okay to stumble through this process; after all, parenting itself is full of trial and error!

The next time your child makes a mistake, take a deep breath, get curious, and remind yourself that this is an opportunity—not just for them, but for you too. Together, you can embrace the messiness of learning and growing.

If you’re looking for more tips and resources on parenting, be sure to check out our other articles at ChildMindAI. You’ve got this!